When we have two strong pillars that form our happiness, all the rest just forms the roof. Photo: Pexels
It is hard to define things that guarantee us never ending happiness. In fact people have been looking all over to find it. Yet only few are able to find it… and keep it in their lives. I don’t think life is only about happiness. My gosh, what would we miss out on if only ever experienced good moments.
We would only be half of who we are, who we have become and who we will turn into in the future. Yet it is truly desirable to have a deeper lying tranquility and happiness that permits us to see the good in life most of the time.
Such an internal contentment is mainly realized through two things. These are the two things that help you achieve internal happiness:
Love…
If we have people in our lives that benefit our general well-being through who they are at their core, can bring fundamental peace to our lives. Marian Rojas, a Spanish psychologist, calls these people ‘vitamine people’. After we spend time, we feel better.
It’s because they give us the feeling of being accepted who we are, through listening to what we have to say, through being there when we need them, through being humorous and funny, through giving us advice and supporting us. These are people we feel safe with.
Such people can be friends, family, loved ones and strangers. Some people have a lovely energy about them that can lighten someone’s day. Through love, we become softer, more peaceful, more courageous, stronger, more tranquil. Easily said, if those people are truly good for us, they will make us a better person. And they inspire us.
Love can bring strength to your life that maybe hasn’t been there before. You like who you are when you’re with them, because they bring out the best parts in you and calm the bad ones. When you’re with someone you love, you can finally relax. You can rely on them.
I would recommend to never settle for someone who loves you half-heartedly, as being loved fully for who you are is truly an indescribable feeling, that you can only understand if you have felt it yourself.
If something inside you tells you that maybe there is someone out there who could be that person for you, there most probably is. And if you ever think that you deserve more from someone you’re with, you most probably do.
Nothing can bring happiness to your life like love does. If it’s reciprocal, of course!
…and work
During our lives, we spend so much time working! It breaks my heart when people work a job they hate. Sure, a job can be hard and require discipline and effort, mentally and physically. Jobs are hard. And especially if you hate doing it, it can suck the light out of your soul (in a non-literal way of course, but you know what I mean).
However, if you like doing what you do, it can actually give energy and bring joy to your life. Of course, ‘liking your job’ entails numerous aspects. Are you not demanded too little or too much, do you get along well with your boss and your coworkers, do you feel physically fine, while working, etc. etc.
But dedicating yourself and your life to something that fulfills you internally, can bring joy to your life like few other things can. Working hard on something and seeing the progress your making, or knowing that you’re contributing to something positive in this world is a huge part of feeling happy when you come home at night.
I find it ridiculous that we have to choose a job we will have to do for the next 50 years at 15 to 20 years old. In my opinion, life – and your job is part of that – is evolving constantly, you are evolving constantly. Just like we’re changing our friends and homes and hobbies, we might want to change our careers from time to time.
So my advice would be to diversify your skills: languages, IT, handcraft, interpersonal skills, intellectual ones, they are all important and they all require different parts of who you are.
Spend your time learning. Don’t settle for one things you can and eventually will have to do for the rest of your life. Because if you one day wake up and realize that you hate your job, you’re screwed.
Find that passion, that purpose of yours. Embrace change. Do something creative, something good. Don’t allow a job to ruin your days. Do something that makes you excited to get up in the morning. Besides love, that’s where happiness lies.
Why these two are fundamental for internal Happiness
Both, love and work have one important thing in common. Achieving something meaningful and fulfilling over a long period of time takes time. It is not achievable over night. It is not an instant dopamine hit.
People nowadays lack a fundamental internal fulfillment and contentment which is why they look for quick-fixes. People consume food, social media, porn, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. to get a short-term dopamine high that gives the illusion of happiness.
Have these dopamine levels dropped though, you feel empty and unfulfilled again. Some people start that quick-fix cycle again at this point.
Because these two things take long-term commitments and investments, they are much more durable and satisfying at their core. If you are currently looking for more happiness in your life, these are the two things you should start. Work and relationships. They are like the two main pillars. Anything else that brings joy is the roof.
What else to consider to achieve internal Happiness
Of course, there are little things that can elevate your daily mood. Personally, I think it’s an art form to find joy in the mundane things.
Learn to appreciate an hour of free time, reading a good book in the sun, a warm cup of coffee, a hot shower, a deep talk with a friend, a walk, a hobby you enjoy doing. Or so much more that comes to mind.
It’s impossible to define happiness as a simple term, because it’s not. Happiness to me is the absence of stress and existence of things that bring joy. Love and work lie at the core. If you don’t feel loved by anyone or if you hate your job, it’s hard to get up in the morning.
Work on those two things first. But know that it takes hard achieving them. Once you do have these two things, life feels pretty great. In the meantime, learn to enjoy the little things.
Love, Valentina <3
Written by Valentina – spiritual writer & founder of Valentina’s Diary
