Whenever something happened in my life I didn’t like (a little setback let’s call it), I wanted to calculate what I could change about my life to make it better and to keep growing, non stop. And my plans always have to do with my personality, my relationships, my hobbies, my finances, etc. In the moment, thinking about what I could achieve if I were disciplined enough makes me feel good. But lately, I was thinking… Don’t we send the message to our subconscious mind that we are just never good enough? That we always have to be more, better, different, to be good enough? Shouldn’t we just leave our lives the way they are, not touch who we have become, and finally accept who we have turned into? Wouldn’t we just be happier? So I couldn’t help but wonder… is there a point where we reach the stage of no necessary growth?
Self-improvement vs. not good enough
There is one fundamental question you should ask yourself if you ever want to change something about your life or yourself: Do you want to make this change to enhance your already brilliant self, go dig deep for the best parts of you that are still hidden, polish the gem you already are, put the cherry on top of the already delicious pie? Or do you actually want to prove yourself that your are in fact good enough for once, worthy, fun to be around, acceptable to others?
This part is hugely important. Because what you subconsciously think about yourself is how you actually treat yourself. Personally, I would say I do still have insecurities and little fears to battle that take away from my over all life quality, but deep down I like who I am. I never catch myself anymore talking down on myself, on who I am at the core.
However, that was not always the case. When I was younger I tried hard to fit in, to be funnier, more open minded, thinner, prettier, more interesting, etc. Whenever I caught a glimpse of a version I could be, it was always to be more liked by others.
What lies at the core of you wanting to grow, change, improve yourself? Do you do it for you? Or for others? Are the changes interior or rather superficial (meaning do you want to mainly change your appearance, your room, your closet, your hairstyle and your diet. Or would you rather work on your discipline, invest in yourself, bring out the best parts of you, work on long-term future investments, heal, strengthen your intuition, your character)?
Things that are never wrong
There are certain aspects of change and growth you will never have to doubt. In other words, these desired changes are always good and you don’t have to question them. These are things that make you more healthy and happy. Of course, the definition of what these two things are, are different for everyone. Here are two things you should never stop looking for: your 1. passions and your 2. purpose!
Passions
Your passions will bring so much joy to your life – given that you have some. Passions can come in all sorts of forms: Reading, cooking, writing, climbing, dancing, gardening, art, music, literature, architecture, animals, kids, good causes, science, fashion, baking, interior design, nature, swimming, walking, running. Passions can be physical, mental, emotional, and for the soul as well. Your passions don’t take away your energy, instead they give you more of it. If you feel it inside what makes you happy, listen to your heart and pursue it. There are (almost) no bad passions. Never hold back when wanting to invest into your passions.
Purpose
Your purpose is what you think you were specifically put on this earth for. Like for your passion, you experience deep joy when pursuing it, but this time, it’s not only for recreation and personal enjoyment. Your purpose is your higher calling. It can be hard work, tire you, make you feel stressed out, etc. Put it will bring you deep satisfaction. Your purpose will not always be easy, but it will always be worth putting your energy into.
Other changes you should welcome
Other than these two things there are others things that are never wrong investing in and pursuing. If it increases the actual quality of your life, it’s worth trying it out. I mean learning to make your own food, being creative, healing your wounds, making money, building something, strengthening relationships, building useful skills, being active, calming your mind, feeding your brain, learning appreciation, learning new things and seeing new places, drinking more water, taking over all care of your body, etc. All these things are good. If you read this list, you might understand where I’m going with this. Don’t hold back and don’t be scared to include these into your routines.
What you shouldn’t do
Whatever you do to receive more of from others, that’s a no. Don’t loose weight for others. Don’t learn a language to impress someone, do it for you. Don’t decorate your house to receive compliments. Do it so you feel good living in that space. Don’t work out to be slimmer. Do it to be healthier. Don’t buy things because others could admire it. Buy it because it makes you feel empowered.
The only person you should please is yourself. And as far as I’m concerned, there are no limits in wanting to build a better life for yourself. Don’t get scared of your own dreams. Find out what they are and work to achieve them. No matter how big they are.
But never loose yourself in the process. Never ever try to impress someone else. Their opinion doesn’t matter.
So, to conclude: No, we should never want to stop growing, and building, and bettering ourselves. As long as we do it for ourselves only and for our highest good. And not because we want to be ‘better’, ‘worthy’, ‘ appreciated’, ‘seen’, etc. in someone else’s eyes. Fuck that. You know what’s best for you. If your intuition tells you no, or gives you kind of a weird feeling, it’s not the right things.
When something’s right for you, you will feel it deep inside. That I have learned so far. By investing in myself, growing for me, bettering me.
And I’m here cheering for you in the meantime.
Love, Valentina <3
