Like these cats, we could feel much closer to each other if we got to know each other more deeply. Photo: Pexels
A few days ago I saw a movie that – like it so often is in life – sparked a thought in me that I just couldn’t let go. Long story short, it was about a girl who decided not to marry her fiancé, even though he seemed absolutely perfect, because she had to admit to herself that he just didn’t know her, not like her best friend did.
And so I thought, how many people that are close to me do I really know? How many truly know me? It’s easy to know what kind of job someone has, where they live, how many siblings they have and what car they drive.
But beyond that? How much do you really know about your partner? Or your best friend? And most importantly do you know yourself? In my opinion, to love someone is to know them!
You’re the product of everything that happens to you
This is a firm belief of mine and one of the reasons why I don’t really think suffering is a bad thing. I’m going a little off topic here, but it’s important for the context.
I believe that we are a product of all the conversations we’ve ever had, all the books we’ve read, all the music we’ve ever seen, all the places we’ve traveled to, all the friends we made and lost, all the tears we’ve cried and all the love we’ve made.
But then I ask myself, what happens to those people who have never read a book, who never have been to a museum, who never have travelled abroad and maybe learned a language in the process?
A little while ago I read a text on Medium where someone said that today’s poetry has become so bad and shallow. I thought, okay, that could be his opinion. But then someone commented, a shallow society makes shallow poetry. And frankly, he was right.
Have we lost depth as a society?
Nowadays, we spend so much time on our phones. It might not seem like a big deal, but have we realized how much of human power and art has gotten lost through that?
I feel like people don’t create anymore, they only consume. I also heard someone say (was it Emilia Clark?) that we should never trust someone’s opinion who’s TV is bigger than their book shelf. And sadly, I think I know many of such people.
Personally, I have written about our passions and purpose, and our potential before. Quite frankly, I’m pretty scared of never owning up to my own potential. I think it’s pretty sad knowing that we could be so much, but for some reason (is it laziness, comfort?) we just never make use of what we could do, for ourselves and for the world.
To know yourself…
The problem I have with this shallowness I just wrote about, is that how can we know ourselves if we don’t do or are anything?
How can we have opinions if we never talk to someone? Who are we if we never fill our minds with literature, our ears with music, our souls with art, our hearts with connection?
How can we have experiences out of the ordinary if we only ever live the same days? Can we cherish what we have if we have never seen what others have, or don’t have? How can we tell stories about ourselves if we don’t allow ourselves to grow?
We judge ourselves for being sad, or angry, or jealous, or disappointed? I would rather my life goes up and down to add some depth to my life. Actually, I much prefer having fears and dislikes and likes and hopes, things that disgust me, that enrage me or that let me feel thrilled about something.
I much more fear monotony.
Tell me something about yourself
I’m sure that when you go back to your childhood, you could tell me a lot about yourself. What did you love doing most on a Sunday morning? Which weather is your favorite? What movie, what book, what song, what dish, what color, what animal?
Why do you like chamomile tea much more than black tea? Where have you always wanted to travel to? Were you able to do so? What is something you wanted to accomplish as a child? And have you accomplished it? Why not? How come yellow is your favorite color and not green? I’m sure as a kid you could have given me a whole presentation about that.
We used to have such strong opinions about things, and that was fantastic. We looked at the world and decided we really liked something, or we really didn’t. That’s what gives you character, that’s what makes you you.
If you were able to answer all those questions about yourself, then congratulations, you really know yourself. And I would state that you love yourself enough too to take such a strong interest in yourself.
To love someone is to know them
Now, if you don’t know all of these things about someone, I feel like it’s time for you two to have some deep conversations with them. Get to know them. Take an interest in them. Know what they like and what they don’t like. And why.
Let them have an honest look at you too. What have you been hiding from others, from the world? Try to be more vulnerable with the people that are close to you. Because the more you let people get to know you, the more opportunities you give them to engage with you, with who you were as a child, with your core self.
And if you weren’t able to answer these questions about yourself, then I would recommend you to put your phone away once a while (as we all need to do more) and build some character. Go explore who you are, who you were, what you fear, and what you hope for.
Read some books, travel a little, work some jobs in different fields, take a different commute to work, speak to people, learn a language, try a new hobby, go to the opera, connect and reconnect with people, go walk in the rain.
And have some own opinions, opinions that are not just some sentences someone on the internet said. And while you discover more of who you are, let me know how that’s working for you!
Love, Valentina
Written by Valentina – spiritual writer & founder of Valentina’s Diary
