This is the Art of getting to know who You are
There is one simple thing that helps me keep my head above water in times where I feel like too many things I can’t and don’t want to handle happen, when all I want to do is be mad that things didn’t go my way. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we don’t want to be in; in a work situation we don’t like, living at home or with roommates we don’t like, in a place or climate we don’t want to be in, with toxic friends, or no friends at all, studying or learning something we’re not particularly in love with, with the wrong partner or even worse, single ;). Etc. etc. This is where the art of getting to know yourself comes in.
The phrase I learned recently and love most is…
Your 20s are like a dressing room
This time is just for you. So, make it about you! Usually, we find out that we love something when we’re in the opposite situation that, one we hate. Having to do things we dislike makes us realize what we would actually love to do. And so, like it so often happens in life, even the most annoying, hurtful and unpleasant situations are a gift, as they guide us to where we actually want to go.
Taking the time to truly getting to know who you are is an investment in yourself you shouldn’t miss. And this, by the way, isn’t something that you can check off a to-do list after a few weeks. It takes a lifetime learning these lessons. It requires you to get your heart broken, you have to travel, live in different places of the world, acquire good and bad friends, hat what you do, be uncomfortable, etc.
Are you able to answer these questions about yourself?
Getting to know yourself includes everything about you. What you hate and especially what you love, love to do, to hear, to see, to read. It contains your wounds and ways of thinking. How do you treat yourself in difficult times? And in easy ones? What hurts you, and what excites you? What do you find funny? And why do you find it funny?
What is the relationship with those around you like? What patterns have your acquired, through your parents, your exes? Why do you hate cats (which I hope you don’t) but love dogs? What places in the world do you really want to travel to? What are your opinions on certain topics and why do you defend them so rigorously?
Which career would you have chosen today if you didn’t end up at your current job? Why? How do you react to people and instances that hurt you? What makes you cry, happy tears included? How do you communicate your feelings? What is the most valuable trait a person in your circle can have to you? What is an absolute deal-breaker? And what annoys you about strangers? How come?
Which place that you visited had the most impact on you? Who’s your favorite person and what did they teach you? Do you have an idol? What do they have that you admire? What makes the little child in you sad? And what makes it laugh?
A lot of these questions require you to speak with your own internal voice – which is something most people don’t really do very often, sadly.
Who are you with different people? And alone?
Everything I said above comes down to the fact of how well you know yourself. What are you like in different situations? Who are you at your core and what version of yourself do you present to the world, and to certain people?
Why you shouldn’t be upset when something doesn’t work out
Especially when we loose something we thought we could keep for a while are we allowed to take the time to get to know ourselves a little better. And sometimes, when someone refuses to listen to one’s core and refuses to get to know themselves on a deeper level, life takes away exactly what hinders them from wanting to do that. The most common example is that randomly, we might find ourselves single when just yesterday we had a beautiful little relationship. But this is exactly the time where you can do all of those things to get to know your core, your inner and most raw self. You are now required to spend time with yourself.
What can you do to get to know yourself?
Such situations are the time when we should take classes – cooking, pottery, dance, art, sailing, horse back riding, piano, snowboarding or creative writing, or all of the above. We should learn a new language, travel to a new country, buy a new outfit, discover new songs, invite friends over for dinner, read a new book etc.
Life is not about the suffering, but without the suffering we would only be half the person we ended up being. When I think of the people I admire the most, I think of the stories they are able to tell and the advice they can give. I love people one can have good conversations with, people with many different kinds of (controversial) thoughts.
Time passing is a blessing – and suffering isn’t bad
Just today I talked with a friend about this. Sometimes, we don’t like how fast the time passes. One day we wake up and are seven years older than when we did something we just remembered doing. But then I thought, I would much rather be 22 than 17, only because of the things I have learned so far and the mistakes I can avoid in the future through that. But then again, I’ll make new mistakes. So think about how good we’ll feel with 37, and 48 and 63.
This is what you shouldn’t miss out on!
This is also the time to make mistakes, as they lead us to the right direction. I heard someone say that it would be stupid to avoid eating just so we don’t gain weight. The same way it would be stupid to try to avoid mistakes or suffering, as that would hinder us from turning into the person we would have become (which is always a better, wiser version).
Or in the words of Ana Milán, one of my favorite Spanish ‘influencers’:
“Happiness doesn’t allow self-awareness. Self-awareness is hard. But it’s beautiful, compassionate, you start to treat yourself better and with that the people around you.
In the bad moments I learned who I am, to take off my disguises, to not be afraid, to tell the truth. This is all heritage of having gone through difficult times.”
Could you have said it any better? I doubt it 🙂
So, to finish this one off… With suffering comes change. And change is good.
So, don’t avoid but embrace change. Think of the years you’re currently in as a dressing room. Get to know yourself and find out what you love, what you want to become and where you’ll want to go. And before you know it, you ended up right there 🙂
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, please feel free to leave a comment <3
Love, Valentina
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