It amazes me over and over again how I end up in situations where I really need advice that I wish I had within but I don’t because I’m only a human. And then going through difficult phases I have to move through situations I don’t want to be in. But at least later on I have a few things I think are worth sharing and so this has become my platform to do that. So in case you need to hear what I needed to hear so bad just a little while ago, especially in order to be able to make a decision, this blog is for you.
Personally, I found myself in a situation where the circumstances of a relationship have changed drastically, but the feelings haven’t. And so, even though I wanted to stay – and still do btw – I had to go. I was fighting internal battles, and suffering so bad because my heart wanted something different than my mind. And then my gut had its own opinion…. And it was just a big chaos within. So let me tell you what spiritual guidelines I followed to finally be able to calm down a little.
Should I stay or should I leave?
If you don’t know whether something’s right for you, it’s best to look at a few aspects first. First of all, how does this situation feel to you? Usually, if something doesn’t feel good, it’s always best to leave. Nothing that’s meant for you would make you feel bad over a longer amount of time. If the situation however requires you to step out of your comfort zone, that’s usually good. Because we can’t grow if we stay in the same spot forever. And sometimes it takes a little bit of fear to push us off into an adventure.
But what about a situation that feels right but logically seen is maybe wrong? Well, that’s a more tricky situation. Here, you have to listen to your inner guide. Don’t make the mistake to overthink something and then think you are prepared for whatever outcome. Logic can only bring you so far. It’s more important how something makes you feel. But watch out, not everything that feels good is right and not everything that feels scary is wrong. Your intuition usually knows the answer. But I’ll explain that more later on.
For now, the baseline is this: If something brings you further in life – in terms of health, relationships, fulfillment, skill, knowledge, experience, joy, money or wisdom – it is always worth pursuing. Sometimes these things require investments, or patience. Something can now be difficult and you might want to give up, but in the long run it will totally be worth holding on to. Decide if that is the case for you when you have to make a decision.
You shouldn’t hold on however if something stands in your way – it wastes your time, it makes you sick, addicted, weak, taken advantage of, exploited, tired, takes away your shine, your health, your spark, your motivation or your trust. Is this the case, you should run.
But I get it. Sometimes it’s neither, it’s just a big grey zone. That was also the case for me.
Sacrificing future or current happiness?
Personally, I found myself in the situation where I felt currently so fulfilled and happy on someone’s side. But I knew that if I stayed, maybe in the future my situation would be much more difficult. And so, I wanted to hold on so bad, but deep down I knew I shouldn’t. What should you do then?
First of all, it’s your job and your instinct to watch out for your well-being now in this moment, because this is where your survival is mandatory. In difficult situations you try to be good now. But that doesn’t mean your future self doesn’t need something else. Actually, your future self and their happiness depends on the decisions you take now. So, your focus should not only be on the now! But does that mean you have to force yourself to suffer just so you won’t suffer later?
Heart vs. Mind vs. Gut
In this case, you have to listen to your three main inner pillars: the mind, the heart and the gut. Let’s focus on the first two. It would be wrong to ignore one and only listen to the other. We need both, that’s the reason we have them. Often, it depends on what kind of person you are. I’m a heart person. If my heart wants something, I listen to it. Because it’s purpose is to make me feel good. But that’s that. It can only feel. Most of the time we need the logical frame in order to be able to make the best decision. If something makes you feel good but would be stupid to do, it’s not necessarily the right thing. We would do all kinds of reckless stuff because our heart would make us go above and beyond for something just to be a little happier.
Likewise, we shouldn’t just overthink things and totally neglect our heart. If we make a decision solely based on our mind, that would be dangerous as many outside sources can take influences on our minds, especially other people and society and general. Don’t neglect something you truly want just because someone made you feel bad for wanting it. As I said, in most situations both are necessary. We need to let ourselves be led by our hearts, but in a frame our minds approve of. Because the mind usually wouldn’t let us do silly things that could makes us run our heads into a wall, you know.
So, what do you do when those two scream equally as loud at you and you just don’t know who to listen to? Simple. Listen to your intuition! I have said it before. Our intuition always knows what we should do, we just have to learn to listen to it. In my case, I knew from the beginning what my gut wanted from me but I was ignoring it for so long because I was so happy in the moment. The thing is, most of the times we know what our intuition wants from us. We’re just too scared to acknowledge and admit it, which was the case for me too. In this case, you might need a friend who lifts you up and makes you see everything a little clearer. And believe me, accepting something difficult will then be easier.
Why did something come into your life it’s being taken away from you again?
This was another question I was having inner battles about. I thought, if something came into my life and made everything feel so easy and simple, why do I have to give it up so soon again? It just didn’t seem very logical. And I felt betrayed somehow. And then I remembered how important it is to trust; yourself, a higher power, or whatever feels right for you. It came to me then that things are not always meant to stay in our lives. Usually, once they accomplished their mission, it’s time for it or them to leave again. So, if you’re about to loose something or someone, think about what you learnt since you had it in your life. And if you can recognize the value it has already brought you, it might be a little easier to make a decision and to let go.
Is something you have to leave a loss?
Simply said, it can be but it doesn’t have to. I’m sure you have given your situation a lot of thought. Probably you overthought it, right? Is this the case I would really listen to your mind, heart and gut, the latter being the most important one. Have you done that, then no, it won’t be a loss. I’m sure you have taken your future into consideration and not just the present moment. I’m also sure you trust in the universe, destiny and its perfect match-making abilities (also non-romantically, of course :)). Probably, you have also talked to friends… If you still don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, I recommend to just let it go.
Here, this old phrase comes into play: If it’s meant for you, it’ll come back. Nothing that’s supposed to be in your life can be lost that easily. If it’s about a person, you will probably get the chance to meet again later in life. To round it all off; if it will bring you peace, it’s definitely not a loss!
How to not become bitter by something that tore your heart apart
Not being bitter about something that didn’t work out the way you wanted it to always comes with acceptance. Become friends with how things worked out, in the knowing that you grew and learnt and got wiser. Even if a story ends sad, it will always be another story you can tell, it will make you more interesting and more worldly. If you lost someone you love, keep the love you have for them in your heart and remember them fondly. And if you lost an opportunity, embrace others that will come your way. If you ended up in a place you don’t like, look forward to the times you can change your location again. And if you ended up with a scar, enjoy the times you can tell people the story about how you got it.
“When faced with a decision, choose the path that feeds your soul.”
Dorothy Mendoza Row
I do hope, this got you somewhere, where ever you find yourself currently. Don’t be shy to reach out if you need it.
Love, Valentina <3
Leave a Reply